i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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