Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
