i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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