Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
