apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
