Someone shit on the floor
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
