I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
