There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh god it's open bar.
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