well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
