i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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