you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
