Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize