Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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