5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
