some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
