Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
