And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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