I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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