I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
