Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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