dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
