My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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