Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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