Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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