You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize