This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
