I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
