so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
