I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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