dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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