Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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