So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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