6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
