all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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