I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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