dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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