Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
