At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
