I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
