I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
