i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
