Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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