I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
