You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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