He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
