My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my being single is dangerous.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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