I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
