Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
