but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You're like the curious george of whores
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
