Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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