I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
