my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize