I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
