I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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