you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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