Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
