stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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