He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My life is pants optional.
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