Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize