Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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