i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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