new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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