what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
