Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
