I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
