stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
this hospital has no fireball
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
