So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
