I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
