8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
