You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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