I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
