I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
