i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
