I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
