I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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