Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
