I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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