bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
