I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
